When I think of sapiosexuality, the first thing that comes to mind is an elitist prick who can’t appreciate different forms of intelligence (especially the forms of intelligence usually displayed by those without a conventional college education). That was, obviously, a huge turn off for me.
So how did I end up dating a sapiosexual?
I still ask myself that question.
When I found out my potential bae was a sapiosexual, I asked right away if that meant they viewed intelligence on some sort of hierarchical scale. I wanted to know if they valued white/western/european standards of intelligence above all else. Turns out, that’s not the case, at least not with my guy. From his perspective, he wants to be able to have a conversation with partners about some deep topic, no matter what that topic is. It wasn’t just about dating someone who conveys intelligence in a societally conventional way. It was more about being able to communicate deeply with another person about some topic of interest. What’s the difference between that and just being a human being seeking connection? I don’t know, but hey, I’M not the sapiosexual here.
Speaking of communication: boy, is my sapiosexual boyfriend good at communicating. It’s probably a turn on for him but wowwwwwww I don’t mind it either.
I’ve experienced being treated like an object to the point where I started treating myself like one. I’ve also seriously hurt partners in the same way. I’m definitely no stranger to the idea that partners can be cold, callous, and uncaring. That’s just not the case here. Conversation flows effortlessly, and pauses in communication are welcome instead of weighted. My words have value, and my partner reinforces that instead of making me doubt it. It works.
One thing that I share with my partner is a love of pattern. I enjoy a career and hobbies that rely heavily on patterning, and making sense of seemingly disparate objects, themes or movements is my calling. For my partner, I assume there is a similar love that happens to be accompanied by libido. I don’t mind. I guess that would be one thing that differentiates someone as being sapiosexual. I’m still torn about whether it’s a sexual preference that needs it’s own separate name.
Either way, I am happy.
I feel respected and listened to, and that matters. That part’s not rocket science 🙂