I have an aversion to spanking: the word and the action. Blame my parents possibly? It’s just something that I find difficult to get behind.

Now don’t get me wrong, there is something satisfying about feeling a few hard slaps against my derriere when engaging in intercourse. To be honest, (dare I say it?), it is a turn on. However, it also deeply terrifies me. Whether I know that SLAP! is coming or if I am caught off guard, the way my heart jumps when I finally feel it disturbs me.

I am no stranger to pain. In fact, I quite like it to certain degrees. It has been my motto/mantra for years now: pain is pleasure and pleasure is pain. I can sit through piercings and tattoos. I love an aggressive partner who can pull my hair or choke me with willful abandon. It feels AMAZING! I’ve had partners where I have had to guide them in their use of pain against me. I am not a delicate young woman yet they seemed frightened to be more aggressive. I even tolerate partners who have been a bit too rough (biting or gripping sensitive areas too hard). But let me see a hand from the corner of my eye and I stiffen up like a cat who has seen a ghost. Now I won’t move or yell stop; I take it,and more often than not continue as though I didn’t just have half a heart attack. However, I feel I should not be ready to take off running when a partner gets a little hand happy with my bottom.

As a child I didn’t get in trouble often and if I did, I definitely did not get a spanking. So maybe we won’t blame my parents for scarring me beyond imagination. In my teenage years, I watched quite a few porn videos wherein the woman’s behind goes from lily-white to deep red as she moans in pleasure. I have also seen spanking videos that I feel have taken it too far for my tastes. (We won’t get into those. They were disturbing but they also didn’t keep me from being interested.) After these experiences I personally would have thought I would be ready to take a few smacks on my behind. Yet now in my adulthood I question what is it that has me so perturbed about this seemingly “harmless” act. I know the word/ idea has been taboo for many which might explain my fear of the word. When it comes to the physical action, I guess nothing can truly prepare you for that.

As of right now, the jury is out. It seems as though no matter how many times I prepare myself or just plain allow it; perhaps I’ll never get used to being spanked despite being attracted to the idea.