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Asking for Help, Giving A Path Forward
Strip Clubs Sue for Small Business Economic Support
Sex related industries were among the hardest hit by Coronavirus related closings; however, the Small Business Administration, felt they should be excluded from federal relief. Before entering the Economic Industry Disaster Loan (including a grant) application, applicants were required to certify that their business wasn’t of “prurient sexual nature.” Since the grant money was to be given on a first come, first serve basis, this effectively shut these businesses out of getting the advance that wouldn’t have to be repaid. There is no legal justication for this, so 42 strip clubs got an injunction ordering the SBA to give them funding for the centerpiece of CARES Act business support. The Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) gives businesses money to maintain payroll (even if there is nothing for employees to do) and for some other basic expenses like rent. The rules are complicated and there is confusion as to if stripers who are independent contractors, could get pay from the club owners from the PPP, since even CPAs can’t make this program sound simple.
Companies like strip clubs are really going to suffer even while the conutry attempts to “reopen.” States are considering how necessary and how COVID proof, an indursy is, when deciding the order of who gets to reopen next. Consturion for example is pretty necessary, and with workers used to wearing protective gear, the risks of transmissions are lower. Society doesn’t view strip clubs, as all that necessary, and with close contact transmission risks are higher. There is no social distance on a lap dance, and very little in the food and bar section.
Porn Industry Says their Safety Procedures Can Inform COVID recovery.
A lot of people don’t like to see condoms when watching porn and sex with lots of people comes with it’s onw risks as well. The porn indrusy handles the creation of this fantasy with a strict remine of STI testing. Any positive result, which is rare because people have sex in a strict pool of people, warrents an industry wide shut down. COVID is spread much more easily than STI’s so avoiding it outside of work is probably unfeasible. It does however have a window to show up on testing before being spread. If somebody is test negative as they enter their workplace, we can probably rest assured that they won’t spread it to co-workers. This might be invasive to many and perhaps expensive, but it’s not too unlike how pornography production works.
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Romantic Lust
We tend to think of lust as an intense sexual desire for a specific person, but could similar feelings extend to romance, without being true love?
In my and many others experiences, the dating “process,” begins with physical appearance, and then sometimes extends into appreciating somebody for who they are as a person. This is simply because time is limited and there are many options. Sometimes the feeling that drives somebody to interact with a potential date (or hookup) is quite intense, in a fun way. As those conversations, in person, on social media, etc, continue, the lust further intensifies, as the odds of having a sexual experience with said person are shooting upwards. Once we have the first sexual experience with them, it either intensifies further, or feels anticlimactic (even if there is a climax). The feeling of lust can last months, or even years, and sometimes this gives the opportunity to get to know the person a little or quite well.
But could that added appreciation for somebody as a person still be just lust, in the sense that there is yearning and passion without being truly loving? Perhaps this happens when we think highly of somebody, and feel lucky to be graced by their presence, but don’t feel that we are gaining an understanding of who they are. Perhaps they don’t open up in terms of being themselves around us, or being emotionally vulnerable around us. Worst yet, maybe I begin to find that I really don’t like this person or simply aren’t a good match, but I really enjoy our time together. (I for one certainly love to argue with people).
But more often than not, I think (almost definitionly), love takes the active participation of both people, whereas lust often only needs to be felt by one person. It is certainly possible to love somebody without being loved in return. It is really hard to get to a point where we have a deep appreciation for who somebody is as a person, if they have not opened up to us.
Of course nothing is always this simple. Sometimes even if my crush has opened up to me and shown emotional vulnerability, the feeling of love really doesn’t develop. Perhaps I have had this happen before, where I appreciated somebody as a crush and also for their accompaniments; but the times spent together on balance didn’t feel so good. Having a sapiosexual thought pattern, it might have even been more difficult for me to understand this; because the conversations and process of getting to know somebody is a turn on in itself. As the months went by, I still felt I was with a top rate person and loved to give them gifts and cards. When it came to making compromises and sacrifices, I really didn’t feel inspired to do so. (Also because the things they damned were outside of my control). I am generally not good at compromises, but enjoy helping someone I care about. Thus, I realized, my “love” wasn’t actually growing.
So can romance still be just a type of lust? I think so, in that lust is a strong desire to want (to be with) somebody, while love is a desire to be supportive.
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Unemployment, (lower) Income Credits, and other 2020 tax tips (United States)
Unemployment
With a record number of people filing for unemployment and widened categories, there has been crying, confusion, and crashes. While this is not news or financial advice, As a former tax preparer, I wanted to share my thoughts (i.e. a little bit of context).
The option is given to have 10% withheld from the payments sent to you, for federal income taxes. In states that have their own income tax, there is also the option to withhold for that as well (in New York it is 2.5%). Just like withholdings from a job, this is an attempt to not have to owe more come April 2021. Be warned that even if you elect the withholdings, you still might owe, because taking a flat percentage of money isn’t good tax planning by the state. Or you might get a refund.
So should you have taxes withheld? This depends entirely on personal circumstances but here are my thoughts:
- If you absolutely need all of the money from unemployment,
click no on withholdings. Your health and safety are a now problem, taxes are a next year problem
- Do you always rush to file as soon as you get all of your documents? With unemployment being taxable, people don’t always realize that they might owe, since they are used to getting a refund. So if you’re a sometimes dilly dally with tax filings, person, say yes to withholdings.
- How much money were you making and how much were you having withheld (before your job loss)? Here’s the amount of income for the year (including unemployment) people can make before having to pay any federal income taxes: …. Even if your income so far is below these limits, unemployment withholdings might still be advisable.
Saving for Retirement:
Roth IRAs are a type of retirement account that you don’t need an employer to utilize. After tax dollars are used to fund Roth IRAs, so the money grows and is withdrawn tax free when you retire. Since many people will be in lower tax brackets this year, it might make sense to contribute now to avoid higher taxes later.
Self Employed with dependents:
It is especially important to keep records of income received (and expenses), this year. If your profits are modest (or even a loss that offsets W2 wages), you might end up qualifying for the Earned Income Credit, which can provide huge refunds. Your audit risk is higher because these credits can be easily abused (someone can just say they made x amount of money to get thousands). The other main reason for Earned Income Credit audits is that the benefit stops increasing at three children. Some fraud has taken place where someone would let somebody else claim their additional children (maybe even getting a kickback) for the credit. States like New York are known to ask people for proof that you actually took care of those children.
A blog post can not be tax advice, but these are some things that are worth researching in Twenty twenty.
Editors Note: On the third Tuesday of each month, I plan to release a post about a financial topic. Look forward to our thoughts on how sex and dating could change if quarteen impacts the choices of where to enroll for college.
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Never Have I Ever
After watching the wildly popular Never Have I Ever on Netflix, (at the time of writing it’s currently trending as #5 in their top 10 in the U.S. today), I was reminded of this popular game. Although I have always heard about it I don’t think I have ever played it a day in my life. So I’ve decided to play a quick “sexy” version on my own. I do know you’re supposed to play with a partner or partners but it’s quarantine and I’m bored. I have answered with drinks next to all I’ve done.
- Never have I ever… woken up next to a stranger. 🍷
- Never have I ever… had a threesome. 🍷
- Never have I ever… had sex without a condom. 🍷
- Never have I ever… kicked someone out after having sex. 🍷
- Never have I ever… had sexual wishes I wouldn’t discuss with my partner.🍷
- Never have I ever… injured myself while masturbating.
- Never have I ever… had kinky sex. 🍷
- Never have I ever… lied about having sex.
- Never have I ever… had breakfast in bed. 🍷
- Never have I ever… looked at my phone during sex. 🍷
- Never have I ever… laughed when seeing someone’s genitals.
- Never have I ever… slept with a stranger. 🍷
- Never have I ever… hidden sexual messages from my partner. 🍷
- Never have I ever… rolled up a skirt to make it shorter. 🍷
- Never have I ever… tried bondage.
- Never have I ever… had a partner with a sex piercing.
- Never have I ever… taken nudes. 🍷
- Never have I ever… paid attention to the plot of a porn movie.
- Never have I ever… used edible underwear. 🍷
- Never have I ever… been a part of double penetration. 🍷
- Never have I ever… visited a party just to hookup.
- Never have I ever… faked an orgasm. 🍷
- Never have I ever… searched for someone’s nude pictures online.
- Never have I ever… spoken dirty to my partner. 🍷
- Never have I ever… sent or received nudes. 🍷
- Never have I ever… gotten sperm in my hair. 🍷
- Never have I ever… had fantasies about a friend while having sex with my partner. 🍷
- Never have I ever… tried cybersex.
- Never have I ever… had to find an excuse for a cum stain.
- Never have I ever… had sex that lasted over an hour. 🍷
- Never have I ever… had a bedroom injury. 🍷
- Never have I ever… played strip poker.
- Never have I ever… used handcuffs during sex. 🍷
- Never have I ever… had someone strip for me.
- Never have I ever… had more than three orgasms in one day.
- Never have I ever… been walked in by my parents while fooling around.
- Never have I ever… been ashamed after sleeping with someone. 🍷
- Never have I ever… had a one night stand. 🍷
- Never have I ever… fallen in love at first sight.
- Never have I ever… kissed on the first date. 🍷
- Never have I ever… been on a dating website. 🍷
- Never have I ever… been turned down.
- Never have I ever… dated more than one person at once. 🍷
- Never have I ever… gone speed dating.
- Never have I ever… been dumped.
- Never have I ever… hooked up with someone I met online. 🍷
- Never have I ever… said “I love you” to someone. 🍷
- Never have I ever… said “I love you” without meaning it. 🍷
- Never have I ever…. slept with someone twice my age. 🍷
- Never have I ever… hooked up with someone I just met within the first 24 hours. 🍷
- Never have I ever… dated someone for more than a year. 🍷
- Never have I ever… brought someone home to meet the parents. 🍷
- Never have I ever… spied on an ex online.
- Never have I ever… had a rebound.
- Never have I ever… dated someone just to make someone else jealous. 🍷
- Never have I ever… lied about being single because I wasn’t interested in the person.
- Never have I ever… used Tinder to meet a date. 🍷
- Never have I ever… slept with someone I wasn’t attracted to. 🍷
- Never have I ever… flirted with someone when I was taken. 🍷
- Never have I ever… flirted with someone when I knew they were taken. 🍷
- Never have I ever… peeked at someone else while they were changing.
- Never have I ever… owned a Kama Sutra.
- Never have I ever… tried a flavored condom. 🍷
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Spanking : Unpleasant or Gratifying?
I have an aversion to spanking: the word and the action. Blame my parents possibly? It’s just something that I find difficult to get behind.
Now don’t get me wrong, there is something satisfying about feeling a few hard slaps against my derriere when engaging in intercourse. To be honest, (dare I say it?), it is a turn on. However, it also deeply terrifies me. Whether I know that SLAP! is coming or if I am caught off guard, the way my heart jumps when I finally feel it disturbs me.
I am no stranger to pain. In fact, I quite like it to certain degrees. It has been my motto/mantra for years now: pain is pleasure and pleasure is pain. I can sit through piercings and tattoos. I love an aggressive partner who can pull my hair or choke me with willful abandon. It feels AMAZING! I’ve had partners where I have had to guide them in their use of pain against me. I am not a delicate young woman yet they seemed frightened to be more aggressive. I even tolerate partners who have been a bit too rough (biting or gripping sensitive areas too hard). But let me see a hand from the corner of my eye and I stiffen up like a cat who has seen a ghost. Now I won’t move or yell stop; I take it,and more often than not continue as though I didn’t just have half a heart attack. However, I feel I should not be ready to take off running when a partner gets a little hand happy with my bottom.
As a child I didn’t get in trouble often and if I did, I definitely did not get a spanking. So maybe we won’t blame my parents for scarring me beyond imagination. In my teenage years, I watched quite a few porn videos wherein the woman’s behind goes from lily-white to deep red as she moans in pleasure. I have also seen spanking videos that I feel have taken it too far for my tastes. (We won’t get into those. They were disturbing but they also didn’t keep me from being interested.) After these experiences I personally would have thought I would be ready to take a few smacks on my behind. Yet now in my adulthood I question what is it that has me so perturbed about this seemingly “harmless” act. I know the word/ idea has been taboo for many which might explain my fear of the word. When it comes to the physical action, I guess nothing can truly prepare you for that.
As of right now, the jury is out. It seems as though no matter how many times I prepare myself or just plain allow it; perhaps I’ll never get used to being spanked despite being attracted to the idea.